so close.....so close.

oh dear dear dear. every day its the same. i apportion myself a delicious and appropriate amount of food for breakfast and i stick with it. i apportion myself an appropriate amount of food for lunch and i stick with it. then supper hits and i just give up. it seems that there is this wretched curse attached to evenings. the food is there, waiting and it will probably go bad or maybe someone else will eat it if i don't. and then of course there's always the thought of "oh i am still a young thing, i can bounce off the calories in some youthful and enjoyable activity that any common young person does. like working out or playing tennis or swimming, you know, i can get healthy tomorrow, of course its too late tonight because lost is about to come on, but tomorrow is a fresh start. so as long as ive gone over on the calorie limit, i may as well make it another fat tuesday.

you see the tragic spiral we fatty's plummet into. of course there are simple solutions. for instance, i consider all fruits and vegetables my little freebies. i can eat them with reckless abandon and not have to record the calorie intake. this trick works for a bit. i sneak into the kitchen, slide out a long crunchy stalk of celery and feel so sneaky and naughty as i savor every flavorless bite. i am able to feel reckless in these moments because, i am eating a whole celery stalk and not recording the calories! what a rebellious way to trick yourself! then, when the pantry has been purged of pineapple and grapes, the freezer beckons seductively. i look around to make sure no vegetables are in sight. i feel a guilty quiver of delight in my stomach. i suppress my hurried breaths as i inch toward the freezer. it's seductive powers are unparalleled. i feel almost dirty as i pull back the door and i try my best to block the thoughts of my infidelity to the veggies. then, as i lift the spoon to my mouth, i think to myself, "oh this is so much more satisfying than fruit!"after a disappointingly short pleasure trip, the ice cream is gone too. and i am left, once a gain, alone. and fat.